my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
