WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
