My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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