PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
