do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize