there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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