She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
