the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
