She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
