Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
