There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
