The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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