sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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