So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
