She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
