I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
