I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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