now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
