Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
