I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
