I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
