I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
