I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
