Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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