HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
