"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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