Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
