i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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