been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
