Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
