Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do vagina's smell?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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