Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
