she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
