I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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