it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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