i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
