apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
