i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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