i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize