It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
