can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
