Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
