Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize