for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
