wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
