we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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