And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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