This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
