I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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