I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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