Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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