this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
