Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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