I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This baby is an asshole
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
