They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
