just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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