i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
