you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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