"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
