Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
