You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
