just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
