Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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