I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
