He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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