Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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