I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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