We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
