Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
