She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
