if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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