Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
