And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
