Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
