Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
