peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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