I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize