You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
