3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
