he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
