this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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