"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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