so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
