I could make wine with my vomit
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
