im drinking this country out of the recession.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
