just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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