Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
worst night to have a conscience
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
