Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
