Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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