U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize