atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
