I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
