worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am available for nakedness
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we're so committed to being not committed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
