i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
