I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
