He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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