Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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