my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
