DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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