i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
