Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk is not a location!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
