A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
