I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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