We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
