i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
