just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
