Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
