no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
