just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
