you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
